I’m sitting in my kitchen, in that quiet stillness after the kids are in bed, the kitchen is cleaned up, and there’s nothing to do but relax before bed. I decided to do some writing, but before I began, I figured I would read some of my previous few posts (you can find them at the bottom of this post, or by clicking here and here.)
Wow. Reading it confirmed for me why I chose to write it and put it on this blog. It’s been a little over a month since I confessed my struggles with my insecurities, self-doubt, and unhappiness with myself. And looking back from a month later…I’m doing what I said I wanted to do, and it took reading those words to be able to see it.
I meant it when I said that I like reevaluating things I’m unhappy with and coming up with a different plan, and that’s what I’ve done. I’m super slow at getting to the finish line, but I know this about myself and I’m okay with it, because I still get there. It’s taken an almost 10-year journey to get to my current weight, I can’t expect to “bounce back” in less than a year, or two. That’s okay, because I’ll get there. I’ve spent at least 7 years in survival mode, getting to the place I am now. I had to drop the ball in a few places, that I’m not proud of, but it’s okay, because I can catch up now. I’ve made mistakes, but they taught me valuable lessons. I’m being a bit cryptic, I know, but bear with me.
Life is what it is, and if it’s anything, it’s unpredictable. Amiright?? This is not at all the life I would have chosen, if I got to make all of the choices. I never would have chosen the path of divorce, teen pregnancy, or a million other smaller things that have been bumps along the road. Yes, some of these things I brought upon myself by my choices, but others were the result other people’s choices and I had to acclimate. Same as my choices have affected others, and they had to deal with the consequences. It is what it is, sometimes, and we do the best we can.
I have done the best I can with what I’ve been given, and I will keep doing the best I can. A month ago, I reached a bit of a fork in the road, to be cliche. I realized my circumstances were different from before, and I had to choose to stay the same me, or acclimate once again. Fortunately, this time I realized life had actually gotten easier than it had been in a really long time, so I decided it was time to fix the things I had been neglecting and become unhappy with (namely myself).
I’m super grateful for this season. So grateful. God is good, and has been good in every season of my life. I thank Him for this one. And I’m thankful that He has shown me progress, in as little as a month.
That’s my little update. If you want to follow my day to day life, you can find me on Instagram. And if you have your own story and can relate to mine, share it in the comments!
Much love. XO